Are you a help rejecting complainer?
Do you ever feel frustrated with yourself or others because no solution seems good enough?
Do you find yourself brainstorming solutions only for them to be knocked down with a form of the phrase, "yes, but..."
For example:
- That could help in this situation, but it still won't fix the whole problem.
- That might work, but it won't be fast enough.
- It could solve the problem, but here's why it doesn't apply here.
- Yes, it's a good idea, but I've tried something similar in the past and it didn't work.
- Yeah, but I should've figure this out long ago.
- It may work, but it shouldn't have gotten this bad in the first place.
Whether this resistance is coming from yourself or others you may consider the following strategies:
- Try to understand the anxiety, fear, or shame tied up in rejecting the idea. (Does it feel safer not to get your hopes up?)
- Instead of generating the solutions for others, consider asking what would be most helpful for them at this time. This may include slowing down to process and being present with the thoughts and fears related to the problem.
- Come alongside your worries or the person you are trying to help and empathize with the situation.
- Learn about how confident and important changing the situation is to yourself or the other person.
- Roll with resistance and recognize it may not be time to go into problem solving mode.
- When ready generate hypotheses by brainstorming without judgement.
- Remain curious and open to ideas.
- Consider satisficing to strive for adequate rather than perfect results.