“Everyone is trying to sell you something; it is just a matter of figuring out what.”
I've noticed a disturbing pattern of professionals who try to sell you their product or convince you to work with them by subtly, and sometimes not-so-subtly, asking questions and saying things to diminish your self-confidence.
It's dishonest and likely unethical for them to be vague when explaining how they can help, overpromise on the outcome, tell you there's a quick fix, try to convince you that they are the only one who can help, or tell you that the goal is to become like them.
This Might Look Like Them:
- Subtly hinting at the ways you, your performance, or your abilities are okay but not great.
- "I see your still using this outdated process."
- "I'm not surprised you’re struggling."
- "Why aren't you just doing this instead?"
- "I guess that's one way to do it."
- Blatantly diminishing your achievements or disparaging those similar to you.
- "You don't want to be subpar like most other _____ (women, older individuals, young professionals, etc.)."
- "I see you’re at this level, must've been too hard to go further."
- Asking leading questions.
- They ask you a convoluted question that's hard to answer fully, if at all.
- Asking repeated "why" questions.
What might cause them to do this: They likely want you to feel the need to convince them of your worth or justify your decisions. Once you are in this lower power/status position in the conversation they can swoop in as the brilliant hero.
For example: if you don't have a perfect answer to one of their questions, they can highlight that and then use that as "proof" for why you need their services.
"Don't work with someone who tells you all the ways you aren't good enough and how they are the ones who can fix you."
Your emotions are key!
It's a RED FLAG if talking with this person leads you to feel self-doubt, anxiety, less than, an urgency to act without thinking, or extreme feelings of elation or despair.
